Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
