I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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