okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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