I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize