We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
