roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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