Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
