I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
His nipple licking is glorious
Shame is for Republicans.
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