Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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