My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
