omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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