dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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