Can Purell be used as lube?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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