It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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