Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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