A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want a musical about memes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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