Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
