I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize