MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
