I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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