Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
