Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize