i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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