Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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