She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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