I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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