is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
