I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
