Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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