so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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