So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
