I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My liver just broke up with me...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
