i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
