He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
