I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
