Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
