I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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