Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
