nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
