it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
