i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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