just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
