Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
