I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
