That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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