The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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