I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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