i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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