dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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