So drunk, too bad you don't want this
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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