actually, I'm a sock model
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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