Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
