Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
