Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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