sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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