Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
