well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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