grandma shit on top of the toilet
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
