honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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