i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
