i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
