he wants to bone in the snuggie
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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