OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
