I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
