This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
