I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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