He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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